Finding your Rainbow

A rainbow baby is a baby you have after a miscarriage. Today’s topic is rough for some, but there is a rainbow at the end. About 10 to 15 in 100 pregnancies (10 to 15 percent) end in miscarriage. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester before the 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage in the second trimester (between 13 and 19 weeks) occurs in 1 to 5 in 100 (1 to 5 percent) pregnancies.

I have the Rh- blood. This means that I lack the Rhesus factor proteins. Because of this, I can only get a transfusion of Rh- blood; the same goes for pregnancy. If an Rh-negative person becomes pregnant with a Rh+ fetus, your body begins to create antibodies to fight off the unknown blood. These antibodies attack the positive blood cells causing them to break open (hemolyze), essentially killing the fetus. Because I had successfully brought my first child to term, my body created these antibodies.

My husband and I were not trying to get pregnant. I was on birth control then, so the pregnancy was a surprise. Even though we were not planning this pregnancy and were surprised, we were still excited to jump into this next chapter of our lives. This would be my second pregnancy and my husband's first. The excitement and dreams began to fall apart 2 months into our pregnancy.

When I miscarried, I was 16 weeks in. Second-trimester miscarriages are 1%-5%. Looking back now, I would fall into that category. Nothing has come to me with ease; I have had to scratch, claw, and fight for everything I have. I knew something was not right at around 6-8 weeks, and I was relieved by the time it happened. On the other hand, my husband's reaction was very different. But I was relieved because I had started spotting somewhere around 8 weeks, but it was not bright red blood. It was old blood, so the professionals tried to reassure me to not worry. That this happens sometimes, but things would be fine. As time went on, I just had a feeling that things were not right. I ended up in the emergency room three times.

The first time they did the vaginal ultrasound and insisted that everything was fine and to not be concerned over the spotting that was now getting heavier but was still old blood. By the second trip to the ER, I knew something was not right, and it was just a matter of time before it happened. I was miscarrying by the third trip to the emergency room, but they sent me home and told me to just come back the next day for a follow-up.

What they should have said when I was there was what was happening instead of making it seem like things were rough, but we were going to get through this on the other side. The following day was the hardest. After partially discharging our baby, I had a checkup for the ultrasound. It was confirmed that I had miscarried but did not expel all of the fetus, so I had to have a D&C. We both immediately started crying. I felt like a failure, but I also felt relief.

I know that sounds weird and awful, but after 10 weeks of not knowing what was going on in there and worrying, I finally had an answer. Now we can mourn and move on from this. Going through the mourning process while having your body full of extra hormones that do not disappear as soon as your pregnancy does is a struggle. For me, my body still went through similarities to giving birth. Your breasts swell and fill with milk, you are extra emotional, and of course, the physical pains that go with giving birth.

My body and mind needed healing time and my husband's mind for our rainbow to show up. We worked together to listen to one another's feelings and support each other through the healing process. There are Facebook groups, therapists, Miscarriage Association, and The Compassionate Friends (TCF) that you can connect with to help you through your healing process. My husband and I did not utilize these resources, but I wanted to share them with you because some need more help than your partner can provide.

We did not have to wait long as we conceived our rainbow baby just three months after we lost the first one. It was not an easy pregnancy by any means. She gave me 13 cavities, destroyed the enamel on my teeth, and I ended up with preeclampsia. I was so swollen from the water weight I could not wear shoes or my wedding ring. I was eventually put on bed rest so that she would not come out too early or hurt me any more than she already was. That rainbow baby was delivered two weeks early and is a strong, vivacious, compassionate, and wonderful 13-year-old human being.

💖,

The Wellness Blondie

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