The Struggle is real

I have a love-hate relationship with food. Somedays I love food and other days I absolutely hate it. After lunch today, a turkey avocado ranch sandwich loaded with lettuce, tomato, and onion on sourdough, I had to jot down all the feelings. This is what I had jotted down from overeating today and wanted to share with you. If you ever have these feelings, know you are not alone.

The foods I love are pasta, cream sauces, all kinds of sauteed or roasted vegetables, cheese, and almost all Mexican dishes.

The things I hate are pork chops, any kind of melon, and canned vegetables.

For everything else I have to be in the mood for it to eat it. I am starting to understand that this is due to my food fears. Fear of having a reaction to what I eat ad being uncomfortable, bloated, in pain, or even worse stuck on the toilet.

Food is fuel. It powers your mind and body. I know that I need food but somedays I do not want food.

When I have days like that I will put together some chia pudding or a smoothie, with adaptogens and super powders. This way I am still getting food that is filled with nutrients and fueling my body.

Back in the day before I started my wellness journey, I ate so unhealthily if I ate at all. Some days I would just drink a 12-pack of mountain dew and munch on a few pretzels or a meal bar.

The other night after getting home from work my husband asked if I had anything planned for dinner. I told him I did not want anything for dinner. He asked me if I wasn't hungry or if I was having other feelings running around making me not want to eat. He knows me so well and truly is my rock when I need it.

Finding my balance with food has been a struggle learning new recipes and ways of making some family favorites. Some days it is exciting and gives me energy and pumps me up from the excitement; other days, it is completely draining. I have noticed that the days that are completely draining is when I do not want to eat.

My food fears are still here and take the wheel from time to time. Sometimes I go too long between nourishing myself that I overeat and then have regret. I also fear going out places if I do not know what food they have or eating before going in case they are not going to have something I can eat. Because if they only have options that will give me some form of a reaction I have even more regret. I try to look them up online to see their menu before going so I know if I need to eat at home and then not there or just order an appetizer or salad.

I feel like such an outcast or pain by holding up the ordering because I have to go over the menu to see if there is something I can get. Or having to ask a ton of questions to the waiter/waitress. I have a couple of friends that completely understand that I have reactions to certain foods and this is not all by choice and make me feel love and kindness no matter how long I take to decide.

I also fear that I will pass this on to my children. I try my best not to. I do not force them to eat only healthy foods. I still get them sugar-filled cereals, ramen, chips, cookies, cakes, and anything else that is processed food. This does not mean they do not ever eat real food. I do ask that they try what I make. Some dishes they love and others not so much.

They know that certain foods I just can not eat due to the reactions I get and others are a choice. I tell them they have a choice to eat whatever they want. Those choices may or may not affect how their body reacts. Such as acne, their poop, stomach aches, feeling tired, and brain fog.

I also tell them that having a good balance is key. It is ok to have cake, pie, fries, and other goodies. You don't want to only fill up on goodies and never have fruit, vegetables, and protein.

I truly hope and pray that they have a better relationship with food them I. All I can do is the best that I can and keep the faith that everything will work out just the way it should be.

💖,

The Wellness Blondie

I want to know. What do you think?